It Just Takes Some Time
2005-01-20 @ 10:57 p.m.
Sometimes I just want someone to talk to.
Right now I feel very frusterated and lonely and somewhat angry.
That, and I'm listening to 'Come On Eileen' by Dexy's Midnight Runners and it's completely throwing me off.
Yesterday was nice, despite the bit of insanity I felt after sitting in complete silence for over five hours. I ended up talking to Laura(well, actually, I had her watch my stuff while I ran to find Sam, but then we talked a bit), Luis(ex-Nothing guitarist, now football player, still a gentlemint), and Anu, and Anu's boyfriend Aaron(who is rather cute if I do say myself.
Eventually boy Sam found me and we went to the high school to pick up a book for Angela, but a short tempered security guard who reminded me of my brother freaked me out and I waited for him outside. Then we walked back to the library and got a few drinks and sat and talked for a good hour. I really cherish the time I get to spend with Sam just the two of us, mostly because he actually cares about what I have to say, and seems interested. Or, he pretends anyway. I can give him advice and even though he doesn't always use it, he takes it into consideration. I guess I just like having actual semi-intelligent conversations sometimes. He's a good friend. Yesterday I felt like people wanted me around.
Sometimes I wonder if I just keep typing in this little box because I feel like there is no one else to speak to.
Maybe I've just spent the last two weeks in too much solitude. Monday night was a great outing though, that helped me escape my shell a bit, woot Natalya and concerts.
I've been writing Ryan a snail mail letter(me and Lior used to love those books! I miss Lior) and it's reminded me of the summer and how we used to talk forever every day. I miss him too.
Sometimes I get a little annoyed when my friends talk about how much they 'miss' their significant others. I don't mind it when it's subtle, and every now and then, but when you say it more than I do I feel kind of like, 'Did you have to remind me?' I don't think Angela realizes that everytime she says she 'misses' Sam, I'm suddenly propelled into thoughts about Dave. I don't think people can really understand the concept of missing someone until you can't talk to them everyday, or see them more than once a week. Sometimes not even that. I miss him so much, and often it feels like she just doesn't care.
I don't even like playing the songs I have on my computer that he's done, because they just make me want to cry and that's pathetic.
I honestly can't help it if I'm in love, believe me, I've tried every remedy and nothing works.
This entry was such crap, the next one will be better. I'm just over emotional or something.
-SaM
Last 5
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Sleep Soundless - 2005-03-14
The Best Thing I Need - 2005-03-14
To All Of Ye Good Men - 2005-03-13
The Black Label Society are Blasting My Ears So Good - 2005-03-11