Just Give Them More Liquor Stores and Dirty Coke
2005-01-22 @ 11:15 p.m.
*sigh*
So, I've decided that I strongly dislike the majority of my high school population.
Particularly the ones who are pot smoking, alcohol drinking, drug taking, whiny, rich suburban, music snob, fake passionate, clique like,'I am better than you because I have been to rehab', grade 'A' assholes.
Today I have never been more proud to not be like them. Yes, I will admit, I do have a bit of music snob still left in me, but I am trying desperately to rid myself of it. And quite frankly, considering all of the things I could be, I don't find that to be entirely terrible.
I'm ashamed to have grown up with some of the people I did, and I don't know what happened, or who shoved coke up their noses, but I can't stand them. Then again, I never could. I think it's kind of funny how they teased my every single day of my elementary school career, ridiculed me even until the beginning of middle school, and I'm the one who turned out alright. They piss me off. The people who almost piss me off even more are the ones who have sympathy for them.
I grew up around AA, NA, SA, any kind of addicted clan, bikers, ex-cons, just about any society shunned group you can think of. Maybe that's part of the reason why I am who I am today, why I can't look at people who do those things and not feel sick to my stomach, not want to help them. The worse feeling is knowing that I could say anything to them, and tell them any first hand experience, and it won't change their mind. They all have to learn on their own. Sometimes I just feel so helpless, which only leads to me feeling angry.
Mean people make me sad. If you have to got up to a person and say something cruel to them, or say something just because you know it will ruin their day, then you're going to get it back at you twice as hard at some point in your life. I just don't see the point in being evil just for the sake of it, instead of telling someone their butt ugly, tell them their drop dead gorgeous and call it a day, really now.
I've realized that my siblings mistakes often affect me more than I realize.
Just now my older sister Nikki who lives in Pennsylvania instant messaged me to tell me about how she'll always be here for me, and how she loves me unconditionally. I'm almost positive that she was drunk. When I was no more than three or four, we used to live by a river, and when I say by a river, I mean it was in our backyard. The drop to the actual water was more than fifty feet, and we had no fense to prevent someone from falling. Nikki used to sit on the edge of it dangling her feet, and she'd take me out there with her and tell me all of her problems. Nikki was a bad drug addict who had a problem with gangs, and has been in more rehabs than probably my mom, dad, and younger sister combined. At one point she went on the roof of one of her high schools and threatened to commit suicide by jumping off. My dad is such a dick wad that he didn't want to leave work to try to talk her down.(When I say 'my' dad, I say that because he was my mom's third husband, and Nikki was from my mom's first marriage.) She didn't die though, thank the Lord. Though we are not very close, I don't know what life would be like if she weren't around. She has turned her life around and is doing really well, and I am very proud of her. Anyway, my mom used to be afraid that she would push me off of the edge, and so she would come get me before Nikki could spill her heart out to me for very long.
To think that Nikki is only the tip of the iceburg for the insane lives my siblings have lived. I don't want to be like them, I want to get somewhere in life. It doesn't have to be ten million miles somewhere, but somewhere. I admire my siblings for turning their lives around, but I don't want to reach the point where I have to turn. I just want to keep on going head on.
And yes, all of that because 95% of my high school population piss me off.
Tomorrow I get to see my lovely David, and Angela gets to find out what's going on with her body.
Hopefully everything will be very well.
-SaM
Last 5
Cool Kids, They Belong Together - 2005-03-16
Sleep Soundless - 2005-03-14
The Best Thing I Need - 2005-03-14
To All Of Ye Good Men - 2005-03-13
The Black Label Society are Blasting My Ears So Good - 2005-03-11