I Forgot To Wear My Seatbelt When I Was Falling In Love
2005-01-26 @ 11:26 p.m.
'I shot the pilot
I'm begging you to fly this for me
I'm here for you to use
Broke and bruised
Do you understand?
It's only you, beautiful
I don't want anyone
If I can choose
It's only you'
Right now I feel very calm. While I am serene and ready to read for hours, I can feel the adrenaline running inside of me. My nerves are hopping like they're jumping on hot coals. It's a weird feeling.
Brand New are helping me through this week. Strange as it sounds. Their lyrics are making me think about things I haven't in a long time, and I'm feeling a lot more intellectual than I have in a very long time. (Despite my horrific spelling.)
I feel active, and I feel passionate. I feel like I can change something, or as if I can at least try. Though I'm not sure how long these feelings will exactly last, I'm welcoming them.
Angela and I seem to be doing a lot better, I don't know what gap we jumped to break the barriers, but I'm glad that we did. I feel like we're picking up with a lot of stuff that we missed out on during the slump we went through.
I still need to talk to Natalya about all kinds of things. :-P
'Don't apologize, I hope you choke and die!'
No! Not that! ^ Hehe.
I feel smiley, and that's a good thing. For some reason it feels like things are getting better, or maybe they're getting worse and I'm just in denial.
This past Sunday was spent laying in my boyfriend's arms and slipping in and out of a sleeping state. We listened to Patsy Cline and Jad Fair and a few others. We talked about all sorts of things and ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich. It was nice just to be able to relax with him, to unwind. I think he and I are realizing just how close we've become, and it may be scaring us just a bit. We're still teenagers, we have the mandatory bit of 'I fear commitment' left inside of us. I think we'll make it out alright though.
It's kind of a warm feeling to know what we can spend a lovely day together, without even really making out. Just having fun while cuddling and tickling and giggling.
'Girl, come to me
The only broken-hearted loser you'll ever need...'
Sometimes I look into his eyes, and I just simply wonder what I've gotten myself into. This emotional pool of conversations topics ranging from why we don't like Modest Mouse to when we should lose our virginity. It's insanity. We don't agree on many things, but we respect each other's opinions and have an open mind about them. Especially when it comes to the music I listen to that he can't stand, and the music he listens to that I can't understand. We click. We have constant communication, and are always proclaiming the affection we feel for one another.
It still feels weird to say 'love.' Especially to other people, mostly because it's such a huge leap of faith.
He could completely crush my heart tomorrow and I would have no warning. I would still be in love with him, while without him. To know that is a bit daunting, to know that he has that kind of power over me.
Then again, to some extent, I know I have the same power over him, and that's almost more frightening.
I don't think I could forgive myself if I ever really hurt him. Could he forgive himself if he hurt me?
'What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends.'
There will be more to come.
The winter isn't over yet. And to think, then summer starts. :-O
-SaM
Last 5
Cool Kids, They Belong Together - 2005-03-16
Sleep Soundless - 2005-03-14
The Best Thing I Need - 2005-03-14
To All Of Ye Good Men - 2005-03-13
The Black Label Society are Blasting My Ears So Good - 2005-03-11